Changing Seasons...

Have you ever stopped to think about what season of life you may currently be in? Whether it's a season of blooming opportunities or stormy nights, there always lays lessons and growth.

I decided to take some time to develop this week’s post rather than pushing myself to get it done by a deadline only I had created for myself. At one point throughout this past week, I had almost 5 different tabs open, trying with everything in me to brainstorm and develop topics I wanted to write about. However, every time I sat down to write I found myself completely mind-blocked from diving into any of the topics I had thought of. As mentioned in my first post, my heart for this blog is for it to come from a place of complete authenticity. If I had continued to push myself to meet a deadline, I knew whatever I would have created would not have been fully authentic as I intend each post to be. I was confident that an idea would come to me in the perfect time, all I had to keep myself reminded of was to remain open to topics I had not yet thought of or didn’t initially see myself writing about. There’s a funny thing about perfect timing; it comes when you least expect yet it most often carries the most beautiful impact.

"There’s a funny thing about perfect timing; it comes when you least expect it yet most often carries the most beautiful impact."

Two weeks ago, I made a big decision. I packed up all of my belongings and moved to a studio apartment right in the middle of my college city. While I knew it was time for a change, that a new season was awaiting, nothing could really have prepared me for what was really to come. I was immediately faced with an unexpected wave of feelings. Excitement, anxiety, relief, worry, peace. Did I make the right decision? Did I think it through enough? What if it doesn’t turn out as I’m hoping or expecting it to? While I could go on and on about the ongoing questions and doubts that flooded my mind, I realized that I ultimately had a choice: I could either allow for these feelings and negative thoughts to consume me, or I could enjoy this season I’m stepping into. While the overwhelming what-if’s felt overpowering to the bits and pieces of excitement I would feel, I knew deep down that there was more for me to feel in this season. I knew that this season meant something; that it was a new beginning, a fresh start, and something that was meant for me and me alone.

As odd as it feels to say, most of my life I had little-to-no control over decisions. This appears to be extremely common with individuals who experience extensive medical challenges, especially in their adolescent years. Whether it’s from family members or doctors, decisions are most commonly made for those who are not yet able to make the appropriate decisions for themselves yet. Although they are necessary decisions and are made in hopes of benefiting and helping the individual in need, the older those individuals become, the more of an effect it likely has on them. Not being able to make decisions that have such heavy impacts on you (i.e.. the decision to undergo a major surgery, and having to be the one in the position to physically endure the procedure and the recovery) creates the sense that you're not heard or have other people who are your voice for you. Now, after a little bit of background, this serves the major reasoning as to why this decision to move weighed extremely heavy on me.

If you have ever lived alone, or even just spent a period of time on your own, you can likely identify with the sneaky feelings of loneliness. The only time I had really experienced such loneliness before my apartment was when I was in isolation with COVID-19 in 2020. However, even when I had COVID-19, I had the comfort of my cat at the time, whereas now, it is just me, myself, and I alone in my apartment. Just as I experienced from my isolation period in 2020, being alone brings up many unexpected things. You are faced with your own company; forced to think, reflect, and truly be with yourself in a multitude of ways. Within this, you’re likely to realize things about yourself that you were not previously aware of. While it can be a heavy swift of emotions, feelings, and thoughts, the process of it ultimately enables you to grow in unique and beneficial ways.

As I close this week's post, I want to leave you with four major things I have learned from my experiences of being on my own.

Four things I’ve learned recently:

1. Our progress goes in the direction our focus is at.

• If we remain focused on the past, on what could have been, what we wanted, what we were expecting, etc., that is the direction in which our progress will take us towards. Not to say we will regress back to the place we were once in, but rather that old habits, patterns, behaviors, and thought processes are most likely to occur when rehashing the past.

2. We can only work with the present.

• At some point in time, we have all likely wished we could change the past. While this is something I ponder on and struggle with to this day, it’s a tough pill to swallow to know that option is just not available. The only option we do have for our past is to accept it.

3. Negativity blocks happiness

• Ever since I moved, I quickly noticed that my negative thoughts were ultimately blocking me from feeling genuine happiness. Constantly overthinking and doubting my decision to live on my own disabled me from fully experiencing my decision and the new season I am currently stepping into.

4. Don’t be afraid to get vulnerable

• Once I was able to fully understand the process of being on my own, I was then able to really feel this exciting, new season of my life. I found contentment within my own company, pushed myself to reconnect with friends, made goals for myself, and found what truly makes me happy.

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REFLECT:

This week I encourage you to take some time to sit with yourself. Similar to the last reflect section, set a timer to take some time for yourself. If you were able to complete the last reflection about what you see when looking in the mirror, take what you observed and sit with it. What are some things you notice when you take some time to be with yourself? Do any specific memories or thoughts surface? How do you feel? Ask yourself these questions and observe if you were able to realize anything about yourself that might have felt foreign, unacknowledged, or pushed aside for some time.

Love yourself, love the world around you, and always aim for joy!